Grated Cheese
by Audley
Summary: The next chapter is a story about Grated Cheese...Rated 'M' for gore. Not for the faint of heart...but it's kinda funny! In a Shigure way...


Grated Cheese

Disclaimer: Mmm...Fruits Basket, I own not, hmm. :trying to imitate Yoda from Star Wars:

Wow...my first author's notes at the BEGINNING of the fic...oooh. Anyway, this was inspired by the "Rain Shelter of Terror" short story at the end of Volume 9. Haru tells the cockroach story (which I told to my friends—it scared them too), and then, while everyone is freaking out, he says "The next chapter is a story about Grated Cheese..." and then Yuki yells, "Stop it! Don't tell anymore!" and stuff like that. So this! Is that unprinted next chapter. Imagine Shigure wrote this and it will make sense. You'll see. :tries to look mysterious:fails:

Just read the fic then! Humph. :falls into a deep sulk:

* * *

It was a dark and partly cloudy night. 

Kisa, Hiro, Momiji, Hanajima, Uotani, and Hatsuharu were gathered at the home of Yuki, Kyo and Tohru for a Fantastic All-Night Sleepover Bonanza party organized by Tohru and named by Momiji.

Shigure was there as a 'chaperone' of sorts—although all he had done so far was hang around and make lewd comments.

The group of teenagers—excluding Momiji—had played Dai Hin Min while Kisa, Hiro, and Momiji watched the Mogeta movie (newly out on DVD and video), for the first few hours.

Around six o'clock they had dinner—Tohru outdid herself and made everyone their own separate favorite foods, much to the consternation of Kyo and Yuki.

After the dishes had been cleaned up—which took awhile because Momiji decided to help and kept spraying everyone with water, then Uotani tried to drown Kyo when he called her ugly, and Haru kept annoying Hiro (deliberately), and Kisa stood next to Hanajima and giggled while Yuki sighed and Tohru panicked.

All in all, it was nearly ten o'clock before the dinner dishes were put away and the kitchen cleaned up.

Tohru suggested they lay out their sleeping bags in the living room and so they cleared a space and put them in a circle—girls on one side, boys on another.

No one was tired yet though—except Hanajima, who went right to sleep—so they ended up playing Truth or Dare, but that ended when Haru dared Kyo to kiss Tohru and he wouldn't and Tohru blushed and Kyo blushed and yelled "NO! I'm not kissing anyone!" which woke Hanajima up and she zapped him while Uotani swatted him with her pillow and Yuki insulted him and Hiro annoyed him and Momiji teased him and Kisa laughed and Tohru blushed some more.

Then Kyo took his pillow and Tohru's pillow and hit Haru and Momiji with them, and that sparked a huge pillow fight and by the time it was done there were feathers everywhere except on Hanajima, who had fallen back asleep.

Haru stood up.

"It's time..." he intoned, managing to look both silly and serious with feathers stuck in his white hair and a deadpan expression on his face.

"Time?" Yuki asked, staring up at him. "Time for what?"

"SCARY STORIES!" shrieked Momiji, startling all of them, so that Hiro yelled and Kyo yelled and Momiji yelled back and Yuki noticed Tohru was frozen in fear and so he told her he was hungry and they went into the kitchen to make snacks and when Kyo realized they were gone he followed them.

"Now then," Haru said once everyone had calmed down. "Let the story telling begin...

_It was a dark and partly cloudy night_—_much like tonight, in fact."_

Hiro scoffed. "This is stupid already," he said, and it looked like he would have liked to say more but Kisa put her hand on his arm and he shut up.

"Ahem..._There were two men on this particular partially cloudy night—Kyo and Yuki Sohma._

_Kyo hated Yuki with a passion. He loathed Yuki. He abhorred him. He could not stand him in the slightest. Yuki didn't like Kyo too much either._

_On this exact night, on which the sky was partly covered by clouds, Yuki and Kyo were especially angry with each other, because they were stuck in the kitchen making dinner with each other so the girl they both secretly loved wouldn't have to, and so they had volunteered to._

_It started because Kyo was stupid, and Yuki didn't like it. So Yuki told him to stop being stupid. Kyo said he's not half as stupid as Yuki is—and that he hates Yuki. Yuki says of course he's not—only an inanimate object could be that stupid. Kyo says I hate you. I really hate you. I wish you would go die. Go die, why don't you? Yuki says make me._

_And then Kyo snapped."_

No one in the room moved.

"_Kyo snapped—and before he knew it, there was a knife in his hands. Kyo gripped the knife, a gleaming silver flash in the night that plunged—once—_

—_twice— _

—_three—_

—_four—_

—_five—_

—_six—_

—_seven—_

_eight—Kyo lost count of how many times the knife stabbed and plunged, stabbed and plunged. He didn't hear Yuki's dying shriek—all he heard was the sickening thud and squish of the knife into warm flesh, all he saw was the blood that stained the silver blur, crimson in the moonlight, and all he felt was the knife tearing and thrusting and jolting into Yuki..."_

Someone shrieked in the kitchen and everyone jumped. After a tense minute, Haru continued:

"_Kyo plunged the knife deep, one last time, and watched as the light faded from his rival's eyes. Shock played on the handsome features as Yuki sank to the ground, his blood—his life, dripping, staining, spurting, flowing away, out of him..."_

Kisa gulped and clutched Hiro's hand, Momiji was wide-eyed and silent, Uotani was interested but trying not to show it.

Hanajima was asleep. Haru took a breath before resuming the story:

"_...and onto the while tiled floor. Kyo's mind was numb; all he could register was the knife in his hands and the blood on his body and his face and his hair and the floor. He realized what he had just done. He realized that he had just killed his cousin, the bane of his existence, his rival, his most hated enemy since birth—he realized he had just killed Yuki._

_Suddenly Kyo was afraid. He didn't know what he was going to happen to him. A million different scenarios raced through his mind—he was in jail—he was under an guillotine—he was crouched in a cave, miles from society, dirty and—he was doomed to hell for what he had done._

_When they found Yuki, they'd see the bloody knife grasped in his fingers and the blood on his hands and his face and his clothes—and they'd know, they'd know he killed Yuki, Yuki who was lying sprawled on the white tiled floor as if he just fell, and there was dark, red blood on him, and his body was there, the warmth slowly leeching from it, and he was dead...they'd know that he, Kyo Sohma, killed Yuki...and they'd take him and they'd lock him up in a cage and he'd never being free again._

_Like a crystal shattered by the sun into many prisms of light, Kyo's mind was suddenly clear. He knew what he had to do. He had to hide the body. He had to hide the evidence and the body and the blood...Kyo looked away._

_A glint of something metallic caught his eye._

_A carrot peeler, innocently sitting there on the marble countertop, and Kyo had an idea..."_

No one made a sound.

"_He raised his knife again and he brought it down with all his strength and it snicked off a piece of Yuki. And he raised it again and again and tore and hacked Yuki into pieces, which he brought over to the sink._

_Then he took the carrot peeler and placed it to the still somewhat warm flesh of his dead cousin Yuki and he sliced and skinned and peeled Yuki into small pieces."_

Kisa had her eyes shut tight and couldn't stop listening, Hiro's eyes were huge, Momiji was under his blanket but his head poked out to listen, Uotani had her hands covering her mouth but Hanajima was still sleeping...

"_But the carrot peeler was flimsy and broke before Yuki was all gone and Kyo threw it away in disgust._

_But then he noticed the cheese grater—the metal stand with the ridges—and he suddenly realized just how lethal it was, and he picked it up, almost as if he were in a dream, and he set it down and picked up a chunk of Yuki's flesh and he placed it at the top and he dragged it down._

_It tore and clung and broke and bled—blood was pouring out, all over his hands, the blood was everywhere, running like water over Kyo's hands and down the drain as he shredded and grated his cousin Yuki into bits that resembled cheese..._

_He couldn't see, couldn't feel, couldn't sense anything but the blood drenching his hands, gushing out and spurting all over Kyo's hands and face and shirt...but the one thought left in Kyo's mind was to get rid of the evidence so he grimly shredded and grated and tore his cousin Yuki into pieces and all the time he never knew there was an insane smile on his face and his eyes were red with the color of blood."_

Haru paused. The room was hanging off his every word. He smiled slightly and continued:

"_Once the flesh was gone, stripped from the bone and cut and sliced and diced...Kyo gathered the bones and extras into a pile and put them in a bowl, cracking and breaking them into smaller and smaller pieces so they would fit._

_Then he took the knife and held it handle down, not caring that the sharp edge bit into his skin and his blood poured out to mix with Yuki's...but he brought the handle down, hard, and he smashed it into the bones of Yuki and broke and cracked them further and he ground them into dust, all that was left of Yuki, he ground his eyeballs and his hair and his teeth and he ground them into dust, a fine, fine dust that resembled salt or garlic powder..._

_His ears were filled with the sound of bones being crunched and bones snapping and being ground up and his hands were permanently shaking from the jarring of the crunching and snapping and grinding and breaking of the bones of his cousin Yuki..._"

Kisa shuddered involuntarily, Hiro was white as a sheet, Momiji was clutching his pillow for dear life and Uotani looked as though she couldn't decide whether to faint or be sick.

Hanajima slept on, blissfully unaware. Haru took a deep breath before continuing:

"_Now he had all the ingredients. Kyo gathered up the cheese that was once Yuki's flesh, the garlic powder that was once Yuki's bones, and the red, red sauce that was once Yuki's blood, he gathered the ingredients up and he emptied out the real things. _

_He took the bag of grated cheese in the fridge and shook the contents into the trash; he took the jar of red pizza sauce and emptied the sauce down the drain; and he took the bottle of garlic powder and dissolved it in water. _

_He emptied all three and washed them until they were clean. Then, he took Yuki's blood and poured it into the glass jar, as much as he had been able to mop up and wring out...he poured it into the jar and it looked like red, red sauce._

_Next...he took Yuki's powdered bone and sifted it into the garlic powder container, poured and sifted it in there, all the ground up bones and eyeballs and teeth and hair of Yuki...he sifted and poured it in there and it looked like garlic powder._

_Finally he took Yuki's skin, Yuki's clear, mutilated skin, shredded and cut and grated beyond any recognizable form, and he filled the bag that had formerly held dairy cheese to the brim with the shredded skin of Yuki, his cousin...he filled the bag to the brim and it looked like grated cheese."_

No one in the room could breath. Kisa was clutching Hiro's hand so tightly her knuckles were white, Hiro himself was shocked into silence, Momiji was gripping his face so tightly there were fingernail marks embedded into his cheeks, Uotani was locked into position, unable to even move, and Hanajima just smiled and rolled over in her sleep.

Haru swallowed and resumed the story:

"_And then...oh then...he put the containers of Yuki's blood-sauce, his cheese-skin, his bone-powder, and he picked then up and put them back where the real sauce, the real cheese, the real garlic powder had been...he put them back and no one could see any difference._

_And Kyo stood in the middle of the kitchen, his mind blissfully blank, blood still on his hands and his face and shirt...blood pooled on the floor and splattered on the windows and walls...and he stood amidst it all and laughed._

'_Kyo-kun?' she said, coming into the kitchen. 'Why are you...' her voice trailed off. She took in the scene—Kyo—blood—everywhere—insane laughter._

'_K-kyo?' she whispered, suddenly fearful._

_Kyo stopped laughing and turned to face her. _

'_Tohru! Oh...' he stopped and looked away. He couldn't face her._

'_I...was...um...making dinner...and I...uh...spilled most of the sauce...'_

_She nodded feebly, then shook her head. 'Oh...um, yes, Kyo-kun. I see.' Tohru eyed the stains nervously. _

'_Um...w-where is Yuki-kun?'_

_Kyo flinched._

'_You see...well...I didn't exactly spill the sauce...Yuki and I...' he faltered. '...g-got into a fight, so I threw the bottle of sauce at him and, well...' he gestured vaguely at the walls. 'He went upstairs to change,' Kyo added. 'Sauce got all over him.'_

'_Ah...okay,' Tohru said, enormously relieved for reasons she couldn't explain. 'Haha...it's silly, Kyo-kun, but for a second there I thought...well, I thought you had k-killed Yuki-kun or something...eheh, silly of me, huh?' Tohru laughed anxiously. _

_Kyo flinched again. _

'_Very silly of me, ne? You wouldn't k-kill Yuki-kun...and the sauce doesn't really look like blo—' Tohru's voice broke off as she noticed the momentary read gleam in Kyo's eyes. She shivered involuntarily._

'_I'll clean it up,' Kyo said abruptly. 'You don't have to.' _

_He got a rag and started wiping up the bloo—_sauce_, Tohru told herself firmly. Sauce. _

_An awkward moment passed as Kyo cleaned silently and Tohru watched him._

'_So...Kyo-kun...' she started helplessly, wanting to change the subject. 'Um...what do you...want for dinner?'_

_The red gleam—Tohru refused to think of it as bloodlust—returned to Kyo's eyes. An insane smile lit up his face._

_He stood there, in the kitchen dripping and bleeding with Yuki's bloody, a bloody rag in his hands and still more blood trickling down his arms and his face and his body, and he said,_

"Pizza bagels!" Tohru cried as she came into the room bearing a tray full of pizza bagels.

Everyone screamed—Kisa jumped into Hiro's arms and Hiro clung to her, Momiji looked as though he had received a huge electric shock, Haru yelled and fell off the couch, Uotani shrieked and swore later she levitated at least a foot in the air...and Hanajima continued to sleep, completely unaffected.

Kyo came storming into the room behind a very surprised Tohru, alerted by the screams.

"What's going on?" he demanded to know.

It was then that everyone noticed...

Kyo was holding a rag...

Dripping with something dark and red...

And that something was all over him...

_And Yuki was missing._

_Fin_

**Author's Notes:**

DUN DUN DUN!

Do you think I am so totally evil enough to end it here? I think I am. And so I shall.

Well, almost. I'm debating on whether or not to post the alternate/optional ending that I wrote. It's funny but I don't think it's very good. You decide.

If you didn't think this was too disturbing and/or sickening, let me know if I should continue. The next part isn't gross though—it's mostly comedy. Let me know.

And by the way, in case YOU were disturbed and/or freaked out, let me tell you...SO WAS I! And I WROTE the damn thing too! I seriously scared myself...I had to call all my friends and have them reassure me that I WASN'T and/or AM NOT evil and/or sadistic, twisted and/or sick, homicidal and/or suicidal, insane and/or needing to be locked up in a mental asylum.

They didn't help.

But I swear! I'm not evil and/or sadistic, twisted, sick, strange in a bad way, and I do not need to be locked up in the mental asylum! The djinn of PervertedAuthor!Shigure possessed me, and the Gorgon!Medusa muse inspired this, is all. So yeah. Blame them! Blame...blame Shigure for have such a weird mind! It's HIS fault!

Read? Review! Please. I'm asking very politely. If you're not terrified, review.

Audley NOT HOMICIDAL OR A SADIST—!


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